"I was intrigued to see Admiral of the Fleet Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma KG, GCB, OM, GCSI, GCIE, GCVO, DSO, PC, born His Serene Highness Prince, referred to as "socially ambitious" .
"If academic endeavour had always been vetted in advance for practicality, we wouldn't have had the aeroplane or the iPhone, just a better mammoth trap."
"Twenty minutes of feeling a wee bit uncomfortable."
Victoria Wood on being asked about the 'dangers' of stand-up comedy.
"Every no takes you one step closer to a yes".
Winston Churchill to sport artist Paul Trevillion
"No strategy is viable that steals from the future to support the present".
"The life I lead is very autobiographical."
I never thought playing with Plasticine would lead to such a glamorous lifestyle."
"At least the ideas are recycled."
"If we knew what we were doing it would not be called research, would it?"
"Multi-functional bio-diverse green space network." Planning jargon for 'field'. Hugh James.
"Do not eat the blackcurrant jam: it tastes of fish."
... warning Tony Greig not to have the caviar at a cricket reception.
"The fact that the South Buckinghamshire District Council offices are in Slough, Berkshire, really does make you wonder whether their hearts are in it."
"Enthusiasm is like the fire that keeps the steam engine going."
"That one blew out the candles on the birthday cake."
's description of a Joe Frazier left hook.
"You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you'll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won't, or if the man goes past they'll take the ball."
Silence of the Lambs mistranslation.
"We've privatised the rewards and socialised the risks."
“To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.”
Otto Von Bismarck
Japanese bookshop's translation of Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck.
"Q: Who led the pedant's revolt? A: Which Tyler."
"You don't want to say more. You want to say less. Less is good."
"Theory is when you know what should happen, but you can’t get it to work. Practice is when things more or less work, but nobody knows why. Combining theory and practice is when nothing works and nobody knows why."
"To Mavis Enderby and Old Bolingbroke. The Gift of a Son "
Graffito added to road sign near Spilsby, Lincolnshire
"Walton-Hayfield. On 26th March 2008, to Rebecca and Mark, a precious son Ptolomy Ned, brother to the gorgeous Atticus Monty, and the beautiful Octavius Kit."
, Daily Telegraph
"He told me that his mother hid him a drawer when visitors came."
"People have stopped counting their blessings."
"That boy throws a football farther than I go on holiday."
... about Dave Challinor, Tranmere Rovers
"Seek simplicity and distrust it. "
"All progress is based on a universal innate desire of every organism to live beyond its income."
"Many spatial dependencies are so thoroughly built into our constructed environment that little can be done about them."
"I learned French the hard way: from a Spaniard. "
"Murray Angry At Losing His Temper. "
Headline, London Evening Standard
"What does less swearing and funnier mean? "
"Most politicians are incompetent with a veneer of competence. You seem to do it the other way round. "
to Boris Johnson
"Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity."
"Eternal vigilance is the price of artificial complexity."
"Keyboard malfunction. Press F1 for help."
“I'm not going to sing the one that she asked me for because, ... I can't actually... I can't remember a lot of the words. But I'll tell you what, if it's any consolation, the one I'm going to sing will have a lot of the same ... notes.”
"Modern life is rubbish".
"Only if we are capable of dwelling, only then can we build"
"Research is all about self-perpetuation, answers are the very last thing you want, only more research pays the mortgage and the Guardian subscription."
"If you are playing a miser, always emphasise their generosity".
"In 1939 there wasn't just concern for the future of the country it was also a troubling time for Queen of the South."
"Most of the writing on wellbeing makes me feel ill."
"I’d rather have 5% less productivity and a world to pass on to the next generation"